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no, sweetie. it's not the thought that counts.
Since today is Hearts' Day, I decided I was going to celebrate by checking the interwebs for the most visually challenging (read: ugliest) HD gifts to ever be invented. For future reference, if anyone dares to give me any of these, I will hurt you. I'm not kidding. Here they are, in no particular order . . .
1) Coupons - Love coupons, hug coupons, kiss coupons, date coupons, massage coupons - basically coupons of any kind - are lame. This just lets your lady love feel that she's not important enough for you to make an effort at getting her an actual gift. My advice? Go get her an actual gift.
2) GPS Lingerie - If it wasn't obvious yet, we would rather not shell out money for undies with GPS devices that allow techno-savvy stalkers to find us. No, thank you.
3) The Chocolate Scale - Because we love it when our SOs remind us that we need to stop stuffing our faces with chocolate. Sweet.
4) Elephant Poo Roses - I have 3 issues with this one. First, they're roses . . . and I HATE ROSES. Second, they're paper roses. Third, they're paper roses made of elephant dung. Think about it.
5) The It's-not-a-ring-but-it's-close-enough Mug - Wow. Just wow. Nothing says "I still need time to decide if you're really The One" more than giving the woman you're with this mug. And the packaging just amazes me. Way to get her hopes up one second, then break her heart the next. Nice going, big guy.
6) The Boyfriend Pillow - Believe me, giving this to your girlfriend so you'd have more time to play video games 'til the wee hours of the morn isn't going to fly. Trust.
7) The Bone Ring - If you want to buy your girl a ring and you can't spare a gazillion dollars, why not give her a ring made from your own bones? Yes, you heard me. Your bones! A laboratory in UK takes a bone sample from you, grows it to form more bone, then forms it into a ring. Your only problem is to decide which bone you don't need.
8) Footed Jammies - Oh my God, what the heck is this?! Do me a favor. Get up, drive to the store where you got this repulsive "gift", and return it. You'll thank me for it. Oh and one more thing, never ever ever buy matching couple stuff. Just don't. It wasn't cute in high school, and it's sure as heck not cute now.
9) Hug E Gram - Much like the Boyfriend Pillow above, it just boggles the mind how there's a market out there for this. And just so you know, the Mickey Mouse hands don't help. Not at all.
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These last 2 are not really that bad but please, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT give these on HD. Just look at their commercials. Major lamespice.
Pajama Grams - Because everyone knows that pajamas make us women feel all giddy inside (note the sarcasm). And yeah, we'll always think of you when we put them on . . . as the idiot who gave us pajamas on Hearts' Day.
Vermont Teddy Bear - Because what woman over 15 would not want a teddy bear?! Ugggh. And holy heck, the guys in the commercial are dorks! Just sayin.
HAPPY HEARTS' DAY, EVERYONE!
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2) GPS Lingerie - If it wasn't obvious yet, we would rather not shell out money for undies with GPS devices that allow techno-savvy stalkers to find us. No, thank you.
3) The Chocolate Scale - Because we love it when our SOs remind us that we need to stop stuffing our faces with chocolate. Sweet.
4) Elephant Poo Roses - I have 3 issues with this one. First, they're roses . . . and I HATE ROSES. Second, they're paper roses. Third, they're paper roses made of elephant dung. Think about it.
6) The Boyfriend Pillow - Believe me, giving this to your girlfriend so you'd have more time to play video games 'til the wee hours of the morn isn't going to fly. Trust.
7) The Bone Ring - If you want to buy your girl a ring and you can't spare a gazillion dollars, why not give her a ring made from your own bones? Yes, you heard me. Your bones! A laboratory in UK takes a bone sample from you, grows it to form more bone, then forms it into a ring. Your only problem is to decide which bone you don't need.
9) Hug E Gram - Much like the Boyfriend Pillow above, it just boggles the mind how there's a market out there for this. And just so you know, the Mickey Mouse hands don't help. Not at all.
-------------------
These last 2 are not really that bad but please, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT give these on HD. Just look at their commercials. Major lamespice.
Pajama Grams - Because everyone knows that pajamas make us women feel all giddy inside (note the sarcasm). And yeah, we'll always think of you when we put them on . . . as the idiot who gave us pajamas on Hearts' Day.
Vermont Teddy Bear - Because what woman over 15 would not want a teddy bear?! Ugggh. And holy heck, the guys in the commercial are dorks! Just sayin.
HAPPY HEARTS' DAY, EVERYONE!
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